What were you thinking- body positivity
Recently I was cleaning out a closet I use for storage searching for a title to one of our cars. Instead of finding the aforementioned title, I stumbled upon a box full of things I saved from my senior year of high school way back in 2006.
Excuse me while I choke on the fact that was 11 years ago...
Anyways, in this box I found a stash of old pictures, primarily of my classmates and friends. There were prom pictures, and graduation pictures, and pictures of my room. You know, the normal stuff. But there was also a picture of myself. Now this wasn't a particularly special picture. I wasn't doing anything crazy, I wasn't someplace spacial like a concert or event or even school. Nope... it was just me, standing in my parents kitchen when I was around 17 or 18 years old.
Now when people look back at pictures the normal thoughts of "What was I wearing" or "oh my god my hair was horrible then" popped into my mind. Blue jeans and a black shirt I guess aren't too bad but the short greasy black hair just did not look good that day. But it wasn't really that I was focused on, it was more the "what was I thinking" thought that took over.
Again, nothing in the picture itself triggered this thought, rather I couldn't get over the fact that I used to think I was "fat". Like really and truly fat. Now I know I wasn't thin by any stretch of the imagination but comparing how self conscious I was then to how I look now, well... I wish I could go back to 17 year old Magen and slap her.
The amount of time I put into worrying that I was overweight or "fat" back then is just crazy. I built up this crazy tough "I don't give a sh**" attitude trying to hide it but the truth was, I just never thought I was good enough. I never thought I was pretty, let alone attractive. So I tried to hide behind baggy clothing, jackets, and over sized messenger bags. The particular outfit I was wearing this day would have been and anomaly for me. I never went to the beach. I never wore a swimsuit, or shorts, or dresses. I felt uncomfortable letting my arms show or drawing attention to my midsection. Which, living in Florida, could be down right miserable at times...especially during the summer.
So much has changed since this picture was taken. I'm no longer that insecure teenager that cares what everyone else around me thinks. I love shorts and tank tops, and going to the beach in a...GASP... swimsuit. I've got kids and stretch marks and I've gained probably 50 pounds, which I would love to lose but honestly just haven't worked hard enough at. But more than anything.... I'm happy and secure in myself. I've found a strength in myself that I didn't know I had and I wish, so much, that I could go back in time and just tell myself that "hey you know what, there's always going to be jerks out there. There will always be those people waiting to jump on the chance to put you down or make you feel insecure. But you have to stand past it and eventually you will. Eventually all these insecurities will be vanish and you will realize that you've allowed those insecurities to control your life and prevent you from enjoying it. So stop worrying about what other are thinking. Stop allowing those insecurities to prevent you from living because in the end, you're going to anyways and you'll be so much happier for it".
So, even though this isn't the most poignant picture in the world, it shows me just how far I've come in the last 11 years. It makes me proud of the woman I've become and hopefully, I can use what I've learned to help MY daughters to grow and develop and know that it's okay to be who you are. It's okay to like to be trendy and fashionable and comfortable. And more than anything, it's okay for you to be confident and comfortable in your own skin. You've only ever got this one life, this one body, so appreciate it, take care of it, and allow yourself to live in it.
I hope that you enjoyed this post! If you did make sure that you check out my YouTube channel and follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for more day to day happenings.
Excuse me while I choke on the fact that was 11 years ago...
Anyways, in this box I found a stash of old pictures, primarily of my classmates and friends. There were prom pictures, and graduation pictures, and pictures of my room. You know, the normal stuff. But there was also a picture of myself. Now this wasn't a particularly special picture. I wasn't doing anything crazy, I wasn't someplace spacial like a concert or event or even school. Nope... it was just me, standing in my parents kitchen when I was around 17 or 18 years old.
Now when people look back at pictures the normal thoughts of "What was I wearing" or "oh my god my hair was horrible then" popped into my mind. Blue jeans and a black shirt I guess aren't too bad but the short greasy black hair just did not look good that day. But it wasn't really that I was focused on, it was more the "what was I thinking" thought that took over.
Again, nothing in the picture itself triggered this thought, rather I couldn't get over the fact that I used to think I was "fat". Like really and truly fat. Now I know I wasn't thin by any stretch of the imagination but comparing how self conscious I was then to how I look now, well... I wish I could go back to 17 year old Magen and slap her.
The amount of time I put into worrying that I was overweight or "fat" back then is just crazy. I built up this crazy tough "I don't give a sh**" attitude trying to hide it but the truth was, I just never thought I was good enough. I never thought I was pretty, let alone attractive. So I tried to hide behind baggy clothing, jackets, and over sized messenger bags. The particular outfit I was wearing this day would have been and anomaly for me. I never went to the beach. I never wore a swimsuit, or shorts, or dresses. I felt uncomfortable letting my arms show or drawing attention to my midsection. Which, living in Florida, could be down right miserable at times...especially during the summer.
So much has changed since this picture was taken. I'm no longer that insecure teenager that cares what everyone else around me thinks. I love shorts and tank tops, and going to the beach in a...GASP... swimsuit. I've got kids and stretch marks and I've gained probably 50 pounds, which I would love to lose but honestly just haven't worked hard enough at. But more than anything.... I'm happy and secure in myself. I've found a strength in myself that I didn't know I had and I wish, so much, that I could go back in time and just tell myself that "hey you know what, there's always going to be jerks out there. There will always be those people waiting to jump on the chance to put you down or make you feel insecure. But you have to stand past it and eventually you will. Eventually all these insecurities will be vanish and you will realize that you've allowed those insecurities to control your life and prevent you from enjoying it. So stop worrying about what other are thinking. Stop allowing those insecurities to prevent you from living because in the end, you're going to anyways and you'll be so much happier for it".
So, even though this isn't the most poignant picture in the world, it shows me just how far I've come in the last 11 years. It makes me proud of the woman I've become and hopefully, I can use what I've learned to help MY daughters to grow and develop and know that it's okay to be who you are. It's okay to like to be trendy and fashionable and comfortable. And more than anything, it's okay for you to be confident and comfortable in your own skin. You've only ever got this one life, this one body, so appreciate it, take care of it, and allow yourself to live in it.
I hope that you enjoyed this post! If you did make sure that you check out my YouTube channel and follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for more day to day happenings.
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